Yesterday I filled out an Advance Health Care Directive (California's new version of a Living Will). Basically I had to appoint someone to make my medical decisions for me in the event that I become unable to make them myself.
I know the surgery is minor and pretty low risk, however I think I need to make sure that my affairs are in order and that my loved ones are aware of my wishes, just in case.
7 weeks until surgery. I'm getting nervous.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
The Details
I have a choice. I can have a partial thyroidectomy (basically a lobe-ectomy of my left lobe) or a total thyroidectomy (TT). The surgery will take either an hour and a half or two hours, depending on which choice I make.
It is considered an out-patient surgery because I will be in the hospital for less than 24 hours, but I will stay the night and then will be off work for a minimum of 2 weeks. They want me to spend the night so they can keep an eye out for the after effects of the anesthesia (vomiting, coughing, etc.) that may wreak havoc with my incision. Sounds fun!
The doctor says that the sutures are on the inside with adhesive bandages on the outside of my neck to minimize scarring. The incision will be made in an existing neck crease in order to make it less noticeable. The surgeon even leaned in, looked at my neck and said "yep, I can see the beginning of a neck crease now". Thanks Doc!
Now for the technical part. The left lobe is the one with the large nodule. The chance that it is cancerous is only 10-15%, however due to the fact that it is still growing, they want to get it out now. The larger the nodule and thyroid, the riskier the surgery. Here's where the decision comes in......IF it is malignant, then they go right back in after the right half. So, 10-15% chance I will have two surgeries in a row.
If it's not malignant, the surgeon says that I have about a 15-20% chance that I will be back in the next 10 years to remove the right half anyway. I think it was the chance that I would have more nodules or continued growth of my right lobe. To be honest, I don't remember exactly why...I was busy weighing the odds in my head.
SO......I am leaning towards a TT. Quite frankly, I just want to get the whole thing over with and not have to worry about it anymore. I know some people are very attached to their thyroids and want to save whatever they can, but I think I would spend far too much time worrying about another surgery. The nice thing is that I have until December to decide. Yep, the Doc told me I could think about it. What a guy!
The question is, if I have the whole thing removed, can I still use the excuse of My Goiter Made Me Do It?
It is considered an out-patient surgery because I will be in the hospital for less than 24 hours, but I will stay the night and then will be off work for a minimum of 2 weeks. They want me to spend the night so they can keep an eye out for the after effects of the anesthesia (vomiting, coughing, etc.) that may wreak havoc with my incision. Sounds fun!
The doctor says that the sutures are on the inside with adhesive bandages on the outside of my neck to minimize scarring. The incision will be made in an existing neck crease in order to make it less noticeable. The surgeon even leaned in, looked at my neck and said "yep, I can see the beginning of a neck crease now". Thanks Doc!
Now for the technical part. The left lobe is the one with the large nodule. The chance that it is cancerous is only 10-15%, however due to the fact that it is still growing, they want to get it out now. The larger the nodule and thyroid, the riskier the surgery. Here's where the decision comes in......IF it is malignant, then they go right back in after the right half. So, 10-15% chance I will have two surgeries in a row.
If it's not malignant, the surgeon says that I have about a 15-20% chance that I will be back in the next 10 years to remove the right half anyway. I think it was the chance that I would have more nodules or continued growth of my right lobe. To be honest, I don't remember exactly why...I was busy weighing the odds in my head.
SO......I am leaning towards a TT. Quite frankly, I just want to get the whole thing over with and not have to worry about it anymore. I know some people are very attached to their thyroids and want to save whatever they can, but I think I would spend far too much time worrying about another surgery. The nice thing is that I have until December to decide. Yep, the Doc told me I could think about it. What a guy!
The question is, if I have the whole thing removed, can I still use the excuse of My Goiter Made Me Do It?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Scheduled!
I met with the surgeon today. I have to say that I feel much better now that I have met with him than I did before. First, I really like him. He is very down to earth, used laymans terms with me, kept the conversation light and most importantly didn't look at his watch even one time! He sat patiently and answered every single question I had. (Well, the ones he could. He didn't have a lot of information about radioactive iodine and I had a lot of questions about it. He told me I could ask those questions of my endocrinologist if we end up having to cross that bridge.) Bottom line....I feel good about him. I trust him. I have confidence in him rooting around in my neck cavity.
My surgery is scheduled for December 3, 2010. He is not overly concerned with getting me in immediately, so it was nice to be able to set the date according to my schedule. Early December works well for me taking time off of work, so I will be able to fully focus on my recovery and not be worried about anything else.
It's been a long day and I am pretty emotionally drained. I will post all the juicy details tomorrow.
My surgery is scheduled for December 3, 2010. He is not overly concerned with getting me in immediately, so it was nice to be able to set the date according to my schedule. Early December works well for me taking time off of work, so I will be able to fully focus on my recovery and not be worried about anything else.
It's been a long day and I am pretty emotionally drained. I will post all the juicy details tomorrow.
The Big Day
I'm nervous. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I really didn't think I would be this nervous. Let's face it, the surgeon isn't going to surprise me with any big, scary news today. I already know that I could possibly have cancer. I have resigned myself to the fact that I am most likely going to have some form of thyroidectomy, whether it be a total or partial removal. Basically I see today as a fact finding mission. I need the particulars. Full or partial? How long will I be in the hospital? How long before I can return to work? When will I know if I have cancer? blah blah blah (Trust me, you don't want to see my whole list of questions. The surgeon is probably going to bill me for overtime today!)
But still, I am nervous. I think that just confronting the issue...getting confirmation on my assumptions....is what is making me nervous.
It's going to be a long day..........
But still, I am nervous. I think that just confronting the issue...getting confirmation on my assumptions....is what is making me nervous.
It's going to be a long day..........
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Another Change
I just received a call from the surgeon's office telling me that the doctor will not be available to meet with me on Friday. My first thought was "Oh no, not again!" My fragile state of mind will not survive another postponement! (The golf club must give discounts on Fridays.)
However.....the doctor would like to know if I'm available to meet TOMORROW AT 2PM! YIPES!!!!!!
Of course I'm available. But now I'm in a spin cycle and can't think straight! I was so prepared to wait until Friday (even though I've been whining about it), and now tomorrow seems too soon!
Ok, I'm scared. I admit it. But I'll be glad to get this appointment out of the way and have some answers.
And now.....ONE MORE DAY!
However.....the doctor would like to know if I'm available to meet TOMORROW AT 2PM! YIPES!!!!!!
Of course I'm available. But now I'm in a spin cycle and can't think straight! I was so prepared to wait until Friday (even though I've been whining about it), and now tomorrow seems too soon!
Ok, I'm scared. I admit it. But I'll be glad to get this appointment out of the way and have some answers.
And now.....ONE MORE DAY!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Thanks to My Goiter
One of the hardest parts about having this disease is the feeling of being all alone. Even though I know I can talk to my family and friends about all things thyroid, I know that they cannot possibly understand exactly how I feel because they aren't experiencing it.
I am hyper aware of this fact, because I used to feel the same way about certain things. For example, depression. I could never understand it. How could someone possibly sleep all day and not really care about their jobs, their lives, their children? I didn't understand why they couldn't just wake up each morning determined to have a good day and do it. Positive thinking, try it!
Now I know. Now I fully understand. It's so frustrating when I am exhausted, or irritable, and I want to be productive. I tell my body to just get up and get busy. But I can't. And I know that the people around me might just be feeling the same way I used to feel. They may be thinking "get over it already!"
With that being said, I am so thankful that I have my sister through this. She has been so supportive and so engaged in my struggle with My Goiter. She has spent countless hours reading books with me, asking questions and just talking to me about the struggles that I have faced. I know she gets it because she has faced her own struggles with depression. (Yes, this is where my mistaken philosophy was founded). While she is happy and doing well now, she hasn't forgotten her struggles and I believe that contributes to why she is so supportive of me. I now understand better the struggles that she went through and I honestly think that My Goiter has brought us closer as sisters.
So today I am looking at the glass as half full and thanking My Goiter for something positive!
4 more days until my consultation.......
I am hyper aware of this fact, because I used to feel the same way about certain things. For example, depression. I could never understand it. How could someone possibly sleep all day and not really care about their jobs, their lives, their children? I didn't understand why they couldn't just wake up each morning determined to have a good day and do it. Positive thinking, try it!
Now I know. Now I fully understand. It's so frustrating when I am exhausted, or irritable, and I want to be productive. I tell my body to just get up and get busy. But I can't. And I know that the people around me might just be feeling the same way I used to feel. They may be thinking "get over it already!"
With that being said, I am so thankful that I have my sister through this. She has been so supportive and so engaged in my struggle with My Goiter. She has spent countless hours reading books with me, asking questions and just talking to me about the struggles that I have faced. I know she gets it because she has faced her own struggles with depression. (Yes, this is where my mistaken philosophy was founded). While she is happy and doing well now, she hasn't forgotten her struggles and I believe that contributes to why she is so supportive of me. I now understand better the struggles that she went through and I honestly think that My Goiter has brought us closer as sisters.
So today I am looking at the glass as half full and thanking My Goiter for something positive!
4 more days until my consultation.......
Thursday, September 23, 2010
The Roller Coaster
Well, since we have 8 more days of waiting, let me tell you a little bit about my journey thus far.
Prior to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism, I went through a short period of what I like to refer to as "crazy". You see, I am a control freak and I have never been overly emotional. I rarely cry and never in front of anybody for fear that I might show (gasp) weakness! I am one of those fortunate women that have never experienced PMS and have never known what it is like to be "hormonal". Wait, don't hate me just yet....you haven't heard the punchline yet. (I am determined that this is all some twisted joke of the cosmos).
All of a sudden, out of the blue, I was exhausted all the time. I could hardly keep my eyes open at work, and when I got home, all I did was sleep. On top of that, (according to certain sources that will remain unnamed this early in my blogging career) I was very irritable and mean to friends, family and co-workers. Of course, this was pointed out to me very gently (probably for fear of incurring my wrath) and then the floodgates opened. I’m talking the most dramatic pity party EVER! One minute I would be snapping at my husband over something trivial, and the next minute I would be crying my eyes out because I just knew that he was going to leave me because I was such a horrible person.
At this point, all I knew was that I had a lump in the front of my neck. I had no idea that My Goiter was responsible for this emotional roller coaster ride from hell.
Needless to say, once I got diagnosed and got my thyroid levels balanced, the “crazy” went away. I feel much better, my energy levels are up and I am back to the kind, loving person (according to sources) that existed before My Goiter took control. (Speaking of control freaks!)
Anyway, my point is this…..I’m not so scared of the surgery as I am of the “crazy”. I don’t want to go back to that horrible place where I have no control over my emotions and I certainly don’t want to put my family through another dose of “Crazy Jenn”. Is this surgery going to throw my hormones back into the spin cycle? Oh Doc, why did you have to reschedule? I have so many questions….
Eight more days………
Prior to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism, I went through a short period of what I like to refer to as "crazy". You see, I am a control freak and I have never been overly emotional. I rarely cry and never in front of anybody for fear that I might show (gasp) weakness! I am one of those fortunate women that have never experienced PMS and have never known what it is like to be "hormonal". Wait, don't hate me just yet....you haven't heard the punchline yet. (I am determined that this is all some twisted joke of the cosmos).
All of a sudden, out of the blue, I was exhausted all the time. I could hardly keep my eyes open at work, and when I got home, all I did was sleep. On top of that, (according to certain sources that will remain unnamed this early in my blogging career) I was very irritable and mean to friends, family and co-workers. Of course, this was pointed out to me very gently (probably for fear of incurring my wrath) and then the floodgates opened. I’m talking the most dramatic pity party EVER! One minute I would be snapping at my husband over something trivial, and the next minute I would be crying my eyes out because I just knew that he was going to leave me because I was such a horrible person.
At this point, all I knew was that I had a lump in the front of my neck. I had no idea that My Goiter was responsible for this emotional roller coaster ride from hell.
Needless to say, once I got diagnosed and got my thyroid levels balanced, the “crazy” went away. I feel much better, my energy levels are up and I am back to the kind, loving person (according to sources) that existed before My Goiter took control. (Speaking of control freaks!)
Anyway, my point is this…..I’m not so scared of the surgery as I am of the “crazy”. I don’t want to go back to that horrible place where I have no control over my emotions and I certainly don’t want to put my family through another dose of “Crazy Jenn”. Is this surgery going to throw my hormones back into the spin cycle? Oh Doc, why did you have to reschedule? I have so many questions….
Eight more days………
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