I met with the surgeon today. I have to say that I feel much better now that I have met with him than I did before. First, I really like him. He is very down to earth, used laymans terms with me, kept the conversation light and most importantly didn't look at his watch even one time! He sat patiently and answered every single question I had. (Well, the ones he could. He didn't have a lot of information about radioactive iodine and I had a lot of questions about it. He told me I could ask those questions of my endocrinologist if we end up having to cross that bridge.) Bottom line....I feel good about him. I trust him. I have confidence in him rooting around in my neck cavity.
My surgery is scheduled for December 3, 2010. He is not overly concerned with getting me in immediately, so it was nice to be able to set the date according to my schedule. Early December works well for me taking time off of work, so I will be able to fully focus on my recovery and not be worried about anything else.
It's been a long day and I am pretty emotionally drained. I will post all the juicy details tomorrow.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
The Big Day
I'm nervous. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I really didn't think I would be this nervous. Let's face it, the surgeon isn't going to surprise me with any big, scary news today. I already know that I could possibly have cancer. I have resigned myself to the fact that I am most likely going to have some form of thyroidectomy, whether it be a total or partial removal. Basically I see today as a fact finding mission. I need the particulars. Full or partial? How long will I be in the hospital? How long before I can return to work? When will I know if I have cancer? blah blah blah (Trust me, you don't want to see my whole list of questions. The surgeon is probably going to bill me for overtime today!)
But still, I am nervous. I think that just confronting the issue...getting confirmation on my assumptions....is what is making me nervous.
It's going to be a long day..........
But still, I am nervous. I think that just confronting the issue...getting confirmation on my assumptions....is what is making me nervous.
It's going to be a long day..........
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Another Change
I just received a call from the surgeon's office telling me that the doctor will not be available to meet with me on Friday. My first thought was "Oh no, not again!" My fragile state of mind will not survive another postponement! (The golf club must give discounts on Fridays.)
However.....the doctor would like to know if I'm available to meet TOMORROW AT 2PM! YIPES!!!!!!
Of course I'm available. But now I'm in a spin cycle and can't think straight! I was so prepared to wait until Friday (even though I've been whining about it), and now tomorrow seems too soon!
Ok, I'm scared. I admit it. But I'll be glad to get this appointment out of the way and have some answers.
And now.....ONE MORE DAY!
However.....the doctor would like to know if I'm available to meet TOMORROW AT 2PM! YIPES!!!!!!
Of course I'm available. But now I'm in a spin cycle and can't think straight! I was so prepared to wait until Friday (even though I've been whining about it), and now tomorrow seems too soon!
Ok, I'm scared. I admit it. But I'll be glad to get this appointment out of the way and have some answers.
And now.....ONE MORE DAY!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Thanks to My Goiter
One of the hardest parts about having this disease is the feeling of being all alone. Even though I know I can talk to my family and friends about all things thyroid, I know that they cannot possibly understand exactly how I feel because they aren't experiencing it.
I am hyper aware of this fact, because I used to feel the same way about certain things. For example, depression. I could never understand it. How could someone possibly sleep all day and not really care about their jobs, their lives, their children? I didn't understand why they couldn't just wake up each morning determined to have a good day and do it. Positive thinking, try it!
Now I know. Now I fully understand. It's so frustrating when I am exhausted, or irritable, and I want to be productive. I tell my body to just get up and get busy. But I can't. And I know that the people around me might just be feeling the same way I used to feel. They may be thinking "get over it already!"
With that being said, I am so thankful that I have my sister through this. She has been so supportive and so engaged in my struggle with My Goiter. She has spent countless hours reading books with me, asking questions and just talking to me about the struggles that I have faced. I know she gets it because she has faced her own struggles with depression. (Yes, this is where my mistaken philosophy was founded). While she is happy and doing well now, she hasn't forgotten her struggles and I believe that contributes to why she is so supportive of me. I now understand better the struggles that she went through and I honestly think that My Goiter has brought us closer as sisters.
So today I am looking at the glass as half full and thanking My Goiter for something positive!
4 more days until my consultation.......
I am hyper aware of this fact, because I used to feel the same way about certain things. For example, depression. I could never understand it. How could someone possibly sleep all day and not really care about their jobs, their lives, their children? I didn't understand why they couldn't just wake up each morning determined to have a good day and do it. Positive thinking, try it!
Now I know. Now I fully understand. It's so frustrating when I am exhausted, or irritable, and I want to be productive. I tell my body to just get up and get busy. But I can't. And I know that the people around me might just be feeling the same way I used to feel. They may be thinking "get over it already!"
With that being said, I am so thankful that I have my sister through this. She has been so supportive and so engaged in my struggle with My Goiter. She has spent countless hours reading books with me, asking questions and just talking to me about the struggles that I have faced. I know she gets it because she has faced her own struggles with depression. (Yes, this is where my mistaken philosophy was founded). While she is happy and doing well now, she hasn't forgotten her struggles and I believe that contributes to why she is so supportive of me. I now understand better the struggles that she went through and I honestly think that My Goiter has brought us closer as sisters.
So today I am looking at the glass as half full and thanking My Goiter for something positive!
4 more days until my consultation.......
Thursday, September 23, 2010
The Roller Coaster
Well, since we have 8 more days of waiting, let me tell you a little bit about my journey thus far.
Prior to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism, I went through a short period of what I like to refer to as "crazy". You see, I am a control freak and I have never been overly emotional. I rarely cry and never in front of anybody for fear that I might show (gasp) weakness! I am one of those fortunate women that have never experienced PMS and have never known what it is like to be "hormonal". Wait, don't hate me just yet....you haven't heard the punchline yet. (I am determined that this is all some twisted joke of the cosmos).
All of a sudden, out of the blue, I was exhausted all the time. I could hardly keep my eyes open at work, and when I got home, all I did was sleep. On top of that, (according to certain sources that will remain unnamed this early in my blogging career) I was very irritable and mean to friends, family and co-workers. Of course, this was pointed out to me very gently (probably for fear of incurring my wrath) and then the floodgates opened. I’m talking the most dramatic pity party EVER! One minute I would be snapping at my husband over something trivial, and the next minute I would be crying my eyes out because I just knew that he was going to leave me because I was such a horrible person.
At this point, all I knew was that I had a lump in the front of my neck. I had no idea that My Goiter was responsible for this emotional roller coaster ride from hell.
Needless to say, once I got diagnosed and got my thyroid levels balanced, the “crazy” went away. I feel much better, my energy levels are up and I am back to the kind, loving person (according to sources) that existed before My Goiter took control. (Speaking of control freaks!)
Anyway, my point is this…..I’m not so scared of the surgery as I am of the “crazy”. I don’t want to go back to that horrible place where I have no control over my emotions and I certainly don’t want to put my family through another dose of “Crazy Jenn”. Is this surgery going to throw my hormones back into the spin cycle? Oh Doc, why did you have to reschedule? I have so many questions….
Eight more days………
Prior to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism, I went through a short period of what I like to refer to as "crazy". You see, I am a control freak and I have never been overly emotional. I rarely cry and never in front of anybody for fear that I might show (gasp) weakness! I am one of those fortunate women that have never experienced PMS and have never known what it is like to be "hormonal". Wait, don't hate me just yet....you haven't heard the punchline yet. (I am determined that this is all some twisted joke of the cosmos).
All of a sudden, out of the blue, I was exhausted all the time. I could hardly keep my eyes open at work, and when I got home, all I did was sleep. On top of that, (according to certain sources that will remain unnamed this early in my blogging career) I was very irritable and mean to friends, family and co-workers. Of course, this was pointed out to me very gently (probably for fear of incurring my wrath) and then the floodgates opened. I’m talking the most dramatic pity party EVER! One minute I would be snapping at my husband over something trivial, and the next minute I would be crying my eyes out because I just knew that he was going to leave me because I was such a horrible person.
At this point, all I knew was that I had a lump in the front of my neck. I had no idea that My Goiter was responsible for this emotional roller coaster ride from hell.
Needless to say, once I got diagnosed and got my thyroid levels balanced, the “crazy” went away. I feel much better, my energy levels are up and I am back to the kind, loving person (according to sources) that existed before My Goiter took control. (Speaking of control freaks!)
Anyway, my point is this…..I’m not so scared of the surgery as I am of the “crazy”. I don’t want to go back to that horrible place where I have no control over my emotions and I certainly don’t want to put my family through another dose of “Crazy Jenn”. Is this surgery going to throw my hormones back into the spin cycle? Oh Doc, why did you have to reschedule? I have so many questions….
Eight more days………
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Postponed!
I got a call today from the surgeon's office. Apparently the doctor will not be available for my scheduled consultation this Friday (he's probably going golfing) so I have been rescheduled for next Friday. Ugh. I hope he gets stuck in every sand pit, loses all his balls and is WAY over par. (Did I really write that? Sorry, My Goiter made me do it!)
I am trying to be so patient but I have been eaten up with anxiety over this appointment. I can't believe that I now have to wait another 9 days! It feels like an eternity.
I am trying to be so patient but I have been eaten up with anxiety over this appointment. I can't believe that I now have to wait another 9 days! It feels like an eternity.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Coincidence
My dog is having surgery tomorrow because she has a torn ACL. The vet took a blood sample last weekend to check for any "surprises" before they put her under anesthesia. He called me today to tell me that the blood work came back normal.....except.....her thyroid levels are a little low. He says it's probably because she's not feeling well due to her injury.
I just had to laugh. Apparently she takes after her Mama!
I just had to laugh. Apparently she takes after her Mama!
Monday, September 13, 2010
The News
About a week ago, I received an email from my doctor stating that she wants to set me up for a surgery consult. GULP. I've never had a surgery consult, but I think that means that I'm pretty much going to have surgery.
Let me back up a little. When I first noticed My Goiter, I had an ultrasound along with the typical blood test for hormone levels. It was noted that I had several "nodules" in my thyroid, and one in particular that was 2.8cm. Of course, this raised a certain amount of concern and a fine needle aspiration biopsy (FNA) was performed. While the results of the biopsy did not show cancer, my doctor explained that nodules larger than 3cm tend to have a higher risk of occult cancer that may be missed on a FNA.
I was diagnosed as hypothyroid and began taking Levothroid. We hoped (my doctor and I) that once my hormones leveled out, that my thyroid would stop working so hard and that my thyroid and my nodules would shrink. They didn't, they grew.
My nodule is now 3.2cm and my doctor wants to send me in for a consultation with the surgeon. I know that the surgery is ultimately up to me, but I place a certain amount of trust in my endocrinologist (after all, she was the one that finally believed in my symptoms and didn't brush me off because my hormone levels were in the "normal" range).
My consultation is scheduled for September 24th, and for the past week, I have read everything I can find on thyroidectomies....the risks, the side effects, the recovery, the emotional impact. I have to say, the Internet can be a scary place sometimes. I have come to the conclusion that people reach out when they are scared and hurting, trying to find comfort (yes, that's what I did), so most of the stories are the scary, bad experiences. Few people turn to support forums when things are going well for them.
So needless to say, I am terrified. I have a list of questions a mile long for the surgeon. I have a HUGE decision looming in front of me and I am fighting the impulse to make that decision before I even have the consultation.
11 more days.....it seems like forever.
Let me back up a little. When I first noticed My Goiter, I had an ultrasound along with the typical blood test for hormone levels. It was noted that I had several "nodules" in my thyroid, and one in particular that was 2.8cm. Of course, this raised a certain amount of concern and a fine needle aspiration biopsy (FNA) was performed. While the results of the biopsy did not show cancer, my doctor explained that nodules larger than 3cm tend to have a higher risk of occult cancer that may be missed on a FNA.
I was diagnosed as hypothyroid and began taking Levothroid. We hoped (my doctor and I) that once my hormones leveled out, that my thyroid would stop working so hard and that my thyroid and my nodules would shrink. They didn't, they grew.
My nodule is now 3.2cm and my doctor wants to send me in for a consultation with the surgeon. I know that the surgery is ultimately up to me, but I place a certain amount of trust in my endocrinologist (after all, she was the one that finally believed in my symptoms and didn't brush me off because my hormone levels were in the "normal" range).
My consultation is scheduled for September 24th, and for the past week, I have read everything I can find on thyroidectomies....the risks, the side effects, the recovery, the emotional impact. I have to say, the Internet can be a scary place sometimes. I have come to the conclusion that people reach out when they are scared and hurting, trying to find comfort (yes, that's what I did), so most of the stories are the scary, bad experiences. Few people turn to support forums when things are going well for them.
So needless to say, I am terrified. I have a list of questions a mile long for the surgeon. I have a HUGE decision looming in front of me and I am fighting the impulse to make that decision before I even have the consultation.
11 more days.....it seems like forever.
My First Blog
It has been almost a year since I first noticed the lump at the front of my neck. Since then, I have developed a very tumultuous love/hate relationship with the butterfly shaped gland that wraps around my trachea, my thyroid....or as I affectionately call it, My Goiter.
I decided to write this blog because I am now facing the possibility of having a thyroidectomy. While I have found an incredible amount of information and support on the Internet from other people that have faced this disease, I have yet to find anyone that has chronicled their journey of a thyroidectomy from the very beginning. Not to say that they aren't out there, I just haven't found any. Most of the writings I have found start after the thyroidectomy and therefore have not helped me with the fear and indecision that I am now facing.
Since I was diagnosed, I have scoured the Internet in search of comfort in forums and on blogs. Just knowing that I was not alone was monumental. I hope that by writing this blog and documenting my journey from the first scary step, I will bring comfort to someone else that is facing, or will face the prospect of losing their thyroid.
And so my journey begins......
I decided to write this blog because I am now facing the possibility of having a thyroidectomy. While I have found an incredible amount of information and support on the Internet from other people that have faced this disease, I have yet to find anyone that has chronicled their journey of a thyroidectomy from the very beginning. Not to say that they aren't out there, I just haven't found any. Most of the writings I have found start after the thyroidectomy and therefore have not helped me with the fear and indecision that I am now facing.
Since I was diagnosed, I have scoured the Internet in search of comfort in forums and on blogs. Just knowing that I was not alone was monumental. I hope that by writing this blog and documenting my journey from the first scary step, I will bring comfort to someone else that is facing, or will face the prospect of losing their thyroid.
And so my journey begins......
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